10 Things I Hate About You Twilight Style
by ginalyle
Summary: Basiclly 10 things but with Twilight characters. All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or 10 Things I Hate About You**

**Rating: Teen for Language, Drug Use, and Innuendo.**

**Plot: This story is obviously a cross since it was in the crossover section. Also a couple of things are different because I got the movie script instead of writing everything out watching the movie over and over. **

**Kat/ Patrick are Bella/ Edward**

**Bianca/ Cameron are Alice/ Jasper**

**Mandella/ Micheal are Rosalie/ Emmett**

**Chastity/ Joey are Victoria/ James**

**Sharon( the mom which wasn't in the movie but I decided to keep anyway)/ Walter(dad) are Renee/ Charlie**

**I changed other people but those aren't as important so they can be surprises. **

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

FORKS HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

Welcome to Forks High School, your typical urban-suburban high school in Seattle, Washington. Smarties, Skids, Preppies, Granolas, Loners, Lovers, the In and the Out Crowd rub sleep out of their eyes and head for the main building.

FORKS HIGH PARKING LOT - DAY

Bella Swan, eighteen, a pretty brunette with brown eyes and a heart shaped face -- but trying hard not to be -- In a baggy granny dress and glasses, balances a cup of coffee and a backpack as she climbs out of her battered, baby blue '75 Chevy Truck.

A stray skateboard clips her, causing her to stumble and spill her coffee, as well as the contents of her backpack.

The young rider dashes over to help, trembling when he sees who his board has hit.

"Hey… sorry."

Cowering in fear, he attempts to scoop up her scattered belongings.

"Leave it" Bella insists.

He persists.

Bella continuing "I said, leave it!"

She grabs his skateboard and uses it to shove him against a car, skateboard tip to his throat. He whimpers pitifully and she lets him go. A path clears for her as she marches through a pack of fearful students and slams open the door, entering school.

GIRLS' ROOM - DAY

Alice Swan, a beautiful sophomore with black flared hair and a pixie shaped face, stands facing the mirror, applying lipstick. Her less extraordinary, but still cute friend, Victoria stands next to her.

"Did you change your hair?" Alice asks.

"No."

"You might wanna think about it." Alice says as they leave the girls' room and enter the hallway.

HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS

Alice is immediately greeted by an admiring crowd, both boys and girls alike.

"Hey, Alice!" a random boy adores, while a random girl exclaims "Awesome shoes!"

The greetings continue as Victoria remains wordless and unaddressed by her side. Alice smiles proudly, acknowledging her fans.

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Jasper Hale, a clean-cut blonde haired, easy-going senior with an open, farm-boy face, sits facing Miss Jane, an impossibly cheery guidance counselor.

"I'm sure you won't find Forks any different than your old school. Same little ass wipe mother-fuckers everywhere."

Her plastic smile never leaves her face. Jasper fidgets in his chair uncomfortably.

"Any questions?" she continues.

"I don't think so, ma'am?" Jasper says questioningly.

"Then go forth. Scoot! I've got other deviants to see." She dismisses Jasper with a wave of both hands.

Jasper rises to leave and makes eye contact with Edward Cullen, a sullen-looking bad-ass senior with bronze colored hair… who waits outside Ms. Jane's door. His slouch and smirk let us know how cool he is.

Miss Jane looks down at her file and up at Edward.

"Edward Cullen. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual."

She gives him a withering glance.

"I missed you." He answers with a charming smile.

"It says here you exposed yourself to a group of freshmen girls."

"It was a bratwurst. I was eating lunch." Edward explains.

"With the teeth of your zipper?" mocks Miss Jane.

She motions for Edward to enter her office and Jasper shuffles out the door, bumping into Emmett McCarty, a big, yet brainy senior who will either end up a politician or game show host, with short brown hair.

"You the new guy?" Emmett asks excited.

"So they tell me" Jasper states.

"C'mon. I'm supposed to give you the tour."

They head out of the office.

Emmett continues, "So… which Dakota you from?"

"North, actually. How'd you?" asks Jasper.

"I was kidding. People actually live there?" Emmett jokes.

"Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by the cows, though."

"How many people were in your old school?"

"Thirty-two."

"Get out!" Emmett states in disbelief.

"How many people go here?"

"Couple thousand… most of them evil."

HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS

Prom posters adorn the wall. Emmett steers Jasper through the crowd as he points to various cliques.

"We've got your basic beautiful people. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother."

The beautiful people pass, in full jock/cheerleader splendor.

"There're your cowboys." Emmett helpfully points out.

Several Stetson-wearing, big belt buckle. Wrangler guys walk by.

"That I'm used to." says Jasper.

"Yeah, but these guys have never seen a horse. They just jack off to Clint Eastwood."

They pass an espresso cart with a group of teens huddled around it.

"To the right, we have the Coffee Kids. Very edgy. Don't make any sudden movements around them." Whispers Emmett.

SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Emmett continues the tour. "And these delusional people are the White Rasta."

Several white boys in dreadlocks and Jamaican knit berets lounge on the grass. A cloud of pot smoke hovers above them.

"Big Marley fans they think they're black. Semi-political, but mostly, they watch a lot of Wild Kingdom, if you know what I mean."

Emmett waves to Tyler, the one with the longest dreads.

"Tyler - save some for after lunch, bub?"

Tyler (very stoned) "Emmett, my brother, peace"

Jasper turns to follow Emmett as they walk into the cafeteria.

"So where do you fit in all this?" Jasper asks.

CAFETERIA - DAY - CONTINUOUS

The cafeteria is a place of loud music and loud students. Emmett sits with a group of studious-looking teens.

"Future MBAs- We're all Ivy League, already accepted. Someday I'll be sipping Merlot while those guys…"

He points to the table of jocks, as they torture various passers-by.

"…are fixing my Saab. Yuppie greed is back, my friend."

He points proudly to the alligator on his shirt.

Jasper stops listening as Alice walks by, almost in slow-mo. Pure and perfect, she passes Jasper and Emmett without a look.

Jasper is smitten.

"That girl… I…"

"You burn, you pine, you perish?"

"Who is she?"

"Alice Swan. Sophomore. Don't even think about it."

"Why not?"

"I could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. She's not allowed to date until her older sister does. And that's impossibility."

ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Rooms full of bored seniors doodles and stare off into space. Mr. Banner, the one-step-away-from-medication English Teacher, tries to remember what he's talking about.

"Well, then. Oh, yes. I guess that does it for our analysis of The Old Man and the Sea. Any other comments?" (with dread) "Bella?"

Bella, the girl we saw as we entered the school, slowly takes off her glasses and speaks up.

"Why didn't we just read the Hardy Boys?"

"I'm sorry?" Mr. Banner asks confused.

"This book is about a guy and his fishing habit. Not exactly a crucial topic." explains a passionate Bella.

The other students roll their eyes.

"Frankly, I'm baffled as to why we still revere Hemingway. He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who had a lot of cats."

James Dorsey, a well-muscled jock with great cheekbones and a jackass, makes fun of her from his row.

"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?"

A few giggles proceed after his statement. Bella ignores him, a clearly practiced gesture.

"That's enough, Mr. Dorsey."

Bella continues getting really gets fired up now.

"I guess the school board thinks because Hemingway's male and an asshole, he's worthy of our time."

She looks up at Mr. Banner, who is now fighting with his pill box.

"What about Colette? Charlotte Bronte? Simone de Beauvoir?"

Edward, lounging in his seat in the back row, elbows a crusty-looking crony, identified by the name Jacob, embroidered on his work shirt.

"Mother Goose?"

The class titters; Bella wears an expression of intolerance.


	2. Chapter 2

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Bella now sits before Miss Jane.

"Isabella Swan. My, my. You've been terrorizing Mr. Banner again."

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action."

"Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Alec's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested."

"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls. I was merely a spectator."

"The point is Bella… people perceive you as somewhat…"

Bella smiles at her, daring her to say it.

"Tempestuous?"

"No… I believe 'heinous bitch' is the term used most often."

She grimaces, as if she's referring to a medical condition.

"You might want to work on that."

Bella rises from her chair with a plastic smile matching the counselor's.

"As always, thank you for your excellent guidance."

SOPHOMORE ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Alice ignores the droning teacher as she writes a note in big flowing handwriting.

"I realize the language of Mr. Shakespeare makes him a bit daunting, but I'm sure you're all doing your best."

Alice folds the note and passes it behind her with a flip of her hair to Victoria. Victoria opens the note and reads:

_"JAMES DORSEY SAID HI TO ME IN THE HALL! OH! MY GOD!"_

Victoria frowns to herself.

The teacher continues, "Ms. Swan, do you care to comment on what you've read so far?"

Alice looks up and smiles the smile of Daddy's little girl.

"Not really."

The teacher shakes her head, but lets it go.

Rosalie, a very beautiful blonde who is unaware she looks like a model, who sits off to the side trying to slit her wrist with the plastic spiral on her notebook, looks up and raises her hand.

"Rosalie… since you're assisting us, you might as well comment. I'm assuming you read the assignment."

"Uh, yeah, I read it all." States Rosalie in a dull voice.

"The whole play?" the teacher asks sarcastically.

"The whole folio. All the plays." Rosalie answers as if the teacher is stupid.

"You've read every play by William Shakespeare?" the teacher asks stunned.

"Haven't you?" Rosalie continues to question.

She raises a challenging eyebrow. The stunned teacher doesn't answer and goes to call on the next student.

SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Rosalie and Bella sit down in the quiet corner. They are eating a carton of yogurt with gusto.

"Your sister is so amazingly without. She'll never read him. She has no idea." states Rose about Alice.

Bella defends, "The fact that you're cutting gym so you can T.A. Sophomore English just to hear his name is a little without in itself if you ask me."

Bella's attention is caught by Edward as he walks by with his friends, lighting up a cigarette. Rosalie notices her staring.

"Who's that?"

"Edward Cullen, random skid."

"That's Edward Cullen? The one who was gone for a year? I heard he was doing porn movies."

"I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting."

"He always looks so…"

"Block E?"

Bella turns back to face Rosalie and forces her yogurt into Rosalie's hand.

"Rosalie, eat. Starving yourself is a very slow way to die."

"Just a little."

As she eats, Bella sees her wrist.

"What's this?"

"An attempted slit."

Bella stares at her, expressionless.

"I realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with William Shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. You're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy."

"But imagine the things he'd say during sex."

Bella takes a minute to think about what to say next.

"Okay, say you do it. You kill yourself, you end up in wherever you end up and he's there. Do you really think he's gonna want to date a ninety pound compulsive who failed volleyball?"

Rosalie's attention is struck by Alice.

ACROSS THE COURTYARD

As Alice and Victoria parade by James and his cohorts. One of the cohorts elbows James.

"Virgin alert."

James looks up and smiles at Alice.

"Look-in' good, ladies."

Alice smiles her coyest of smiles.

BACK TO BELLA AND ROSALIE

Still watching.

"Tragic."

Bella chooses not to respond.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Emmett and Jasper observe as James's leers at Alice from their bench in another corner. Cowboys eating cue of a can of beans linger on the grass behind them.

"Why do girls like that always like guys like that?"

"Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted."

"Does he always have that shit-eating grin?"

"James Dorsey? Permit-shit-grin. I wish I could say he's a moron, but he's number twelve in the class. And a model. Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out."

The bell rings, and the cowboys stand and spit into their empty bean cans. Jasper and Emmett rise as Jasper tries to catch a glimpse of Alice as she walks back inside.

"You know French?" Emmett asks out of nowhere.

"Sure do… my Mom's from Canada."

"Guess who just signed up for a tutor?"

"You mean I'd get a chance to talk to her?"

"You could consecrate with her, my friend."

Jasper watches as Alice flounces back into the building.

SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY

Bella and Rosalie walk toward Bella's car. James pulls up beside her in his Viper.

"The vintage look is over, Bella. Haven't you been reading your Sassy?" James states mocking Bella's clothes.

"Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break."

James responds practically foaming at the mouth.

"They're running the rest of me next month."

He zooms away as Bella yanks open the door of her Chevy. Rosalie ties a silk scarf around her head, as if they're in a convertible.

"The people at this school are so incredibly foul."

"You could always go with me. I'm sure William has some friends."

They watch James's car as he slows next to Alice and Victoria as they walk toward the school bus.

ON ALICE AND VICTORIA

"Need a ride, ladies?"

Alice and Victoria can't get in James's car fast enough. He pulls away with a smile.

BACK TO BELLA AND ROSALIE

Rosalie lowers her sunglasses to watch.

"That's a charming new development…"

Bella doesn't answer, but reaches over and puts a tape in the tape deck. The sounds of joyful punk rock fill the car.

As they pull out, Emmett crosses in front of them on his moped. Bella has to slam the brakes to keep from hitting him.

"REMOVE HEAD FROM SPHINCTER! THEN PEDAL!"

Emmett begins fearfully, pedaling as Bella peels out, angry at the delay.

Jasper rushes over.

"You all right?"

"Yeah, just a minor encounter with the shrew."

"That's her? Alice's sister?"

"The mewling, alien wretch herself."

Emmett putters off, leaving Jasper dodging Edward's shiny silver Volvo.


	3. Chapter 3

SWAN HOUSE - DAY

Renee Swan, attractive and focused, sits in front of her computer, typing quickly. A shelf next to her holds several bodice-ripper romance novels, bearing her name.

Bella stands behind her, reading over her shoulder as she types.

"Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape, revealing her creamy…"

Charlie Swan, a blustery, mad scientist-type obstetrician, enters through the front door, wearing a doctor's white jacket and carrying his black bag.

"I hope dinner's ready because I only have ten minutes before Mrs. Johnson squirts out a screamer."

He grabs the mail and rifles through it, as he bends down to kiss Renee on the cheek.

"In the microwave."

Charlie to Bella, "Make anyone cry today?"

"Sadly, no. But it's only four-thirty."

Alice walks in.

"Where've you been?"

"Nowhere… Hi, Daddy." She says then kisses him on the cheek.

"Hello, precious."

Charlie kisses Alice back as Bella heads up the stairs.

"How touching."

Charlie holds up a letter to Bella.

"What's this? It says Sarah Lawrence?"

Snatches it away from him.

"I guess I got in…"

Renee looks up from her computer.

"What's a synonym for throbbing?"

"Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of the country."

"I know."

"I thought we decided you were going to school here. At UW."

"You decided." Snapped Bella.

"Is there even a question that we want her to stay?" Alice questioned.

Bella gives Alice an evil look then smiles sweetly.

"Ask Alice who drove her home!"

"Swollen… turgid." Renee continues to herself ignoring the conversation.

"Who drove you home?" Charlie questions very sternly.

Alice glares at Bella then turns to Charlie.

"Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's this boy… and I think he might ask…"

"No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion."

"What if she never starts dating?"

"Then neither will you. And I'll get to sleep at night."

"But it's not fair… she's a mutant, Daddy!"

Bella responds, "This from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips?"

"Enough!"

Charlie then pulls out a small tape recorder from his black bag.

"Do you know what this is?"

He hits the 'play' button and shrieks of pain emanate from the tape recorder.

Alice and Charlie state in unison.

"The sound of a fifteen-year-old in labor."

"This is why you're not dating until your sister does." Charlie says while ignoring Alice.

"But she doesn't want to date."

"Exactly my point"

His beeper goes off and he grabs his bag again.

"Jesus! Can a man even grab a sandwich before you women start dilating?"

"Tumescent!" Renee shouts excitedly finally finding her word.

Charlie to Renee as he leaves, "You're not helping."

TUTORING ROOM - DAY

Jasper sits with an empty chair beside him. Alice arrives in a flurry of black hair.

"Can we make this quick? Irina and Laurent are having an incredibly horrendous public break- up on the quad. Again!"

"Well, I thought we'd start with pronunciation, if that's okay with you." Jasper asks staring at Alice in amazement.

"Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please."

Jasper states while looking down flipping pages in the book, "Okay… then how 'bout we try out some French cuisine. Saturday? Night?"

Alice smiles slowly, "You're asking me out. That's so cute. What's your name again?"

Jasper embarrassed, "Forget it."

Alice seizes an opportunity.

"No, no, it's my fault… we didn't have a proper introduction…"

"Jasper"

"The thing is, Jasper… I'm at the mercy of a particularly hideous breed of loser. My sister! I can't date until she does."

"Seems like she could get a date easy enough…"

She fingers a lock of her hair. He looks on, dazzled.

"The problem is… she's completely anti-social."

"Why?" Jasper asks confused.

"Unsolved mystery. She used to be really popular when she started high school, then it was just like she got sick of it or something."

"That's a shame."

She reaches out and touches his arm.

"Gosh, if only we could find Bella a boyfriend…"

"Let me see what I can do."

Jasper smiles, having no idea how stupid he is.

BIOLOGY CLASS

A frog is being torn asunder by several prongs and picks. Emmett and Jasper go for the spleen.

"You're in school for one day and you ask out the most beautiful girl? Do you have no concept of the high school social code?"

Jasper grins away, "I teach her French, get to know her, dazzle her with charm and she falls in love with me."

"Unlikely, but even so, she still can't go out with you. So what's the point?"

Jasper motions with his head toward Edward, a few lab tables away. He's wearing biker glasses instead of goggles as he tries to revive his frog.

"What about him?"

Emmett confused, "You wanna go out with him?"

The others at the lab table raise their eyebrows.

Jasper impatient, "No… he could wrangle with the sister."

Emmett smiles; liking the intrigue of the challenge.

"What makes you think he'll do it?"

"He seems like he thrives on danger."

"No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard he lit a state trooper on fire. He just got out of Alcatraz…"

"They always let felons sit in on Honors Biology?"

"I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He sold his own liver on the black market so he could buy new speakers."

"Forget his reputation. Do you think we've got a plan or not?"

"Did she actually say she'd go out with you?"

"That's what I just said!"

Emmett processes this.

"You know, if you do go out with Alice, you'd be set. You'd outrank everyone. Strictly A-list. With me by your side."

"I thought you hated those people."

"Hey… I've gotta have a few clients when I get to Wall Street."

A cowboy flicks the frog's heart into one of the Coffee Kid's latte. Jasper presses on, over the melee.

"So now all we gotta do is talk to him."

He points to Edward, who now makes his frog hump another frog, with full-on sound effects.

"I'll let you handle that."

WOODSHOP - DAY

Boys and a few stray girls nail their pieces of wood.

Emmett sits next to Erik, a Coffee Kid, who holds out his jacket like the men who sell watches in the subway. Inside several bags of coffee hang from hooks.

"Some people like the Colombian, but it all depends on your acidity preference. Me? I prefer East African and Indonesian. You start the day with a Sumatra Boengie or maybe and Ethiopian Sidamo in your cup, you're that much farther ahead than someone drinking' Costa Rican or Kona… you know what I mean?"

Emmett nods solemnly.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Edward sits at a table with Jacob, making something that looks like a machete out of a two-by-four.

Jasper approaches, full of good-natured farm boy cheer.

"Hey, there!"

In response, Edward brandishes a loud power tool in his direction.

Jasper slinks away, continuing, "Later, then."

Emmett watches, shaking his head.


	4. Chapter 4

CAFETERIA - DAY

James and his pals take turns drawing boobs onto a cafeteria tray with a magic marker.

Emmett walks up and sits between them, casual as can be, "Hey."

"Are you lost?"

"Nope - just came by to chat…"

"We don't chat."

"Well, actually, I thought I'd run an idea by you. You know, just to see if you're interested."

"We're not."

He grabs Emmett by the side of the head, and proceeds to draw a penis on his cheek with the magic marker. Emmett suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.

Emmett grimacing, "Hear me out. You want Alice don't you?"

James sits back and cackles at his drawing.

Emmett continuing, "But she can't go out with you because her sister is this insane head case and no one will go out with her. right?"

"Does this conversation have a purpose?"

"So what you need to do is recruit a guy who'll go out with her. Someone who's up for the job."

Emmett points to Edward, who makes a disgusted face at his turkey pot pie before he rises and throws it at the garbage can, rather than in it.

"That guy? I heard he ate a live duck once. Everything but the beak and the feet."

"Exactly"

James turns to look at Emmett.

"What's in it for you?"

"Oh, hey, nothin' man, purely good will on my part."

He rises to leave and turns to the others.

Emmett continuing, "I have a dick on my face, don't I?"

BOY'S ROOM - DAY

Emmett stands at the sink, trying to scrub James's artwork off his face as Jasper watches.

"You got him involved?"

"Like we had a choice? Besides -- when you let the enemy think he's orchestrating the battle, you're in a position of power. We let him pretend he's calling the shots, and while he's busy setting up the plan, you have time to woo Alice."

Jasper grins and puts an arm around him.

"You're one brilliant guy."

Emmett pulls back, noticing other guys filing in.

"Hey… I appreciate gratitude as much as the next guy, but it's not gonna do you any good to be known as New Kid Who Embraces Guys In The Bathroom."

Jasper pulls back and attempts to posture himself in a manly way for the others, now watching.

KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY

Bella and Rosalie pick apart their Thai. Rosalie is smoking.

"So he has this huge raging fit about Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to his male-dominated, puking frat boy, number one golf team school. I have no say at all."

"William would never have gone to a state school."

"William didn't even go to high school."

"That's never been proven."

"Neither has his heterosexuality."

Rosalie replies with a look of ice. Bella uses the moment to stub out Rosalie's cigarette.

Bella continuing, "I appreciate your efforts toward a speedy death, but I'm consuming."(pointing at her food) "Do you mind?"

"Does it matter?"

"If I was Alice, it would be, "Any school you want, precious. Don't forget your tiara."

They both look up as Edward enters. He walks up to the counter to place his order.

Rosalie leans toward Bella with the glow of fresh gossip.

"Jessica Stanley told me he was a roadie for Marilyn Manson."

Edward nods at them as he takes his food outside.

"Jessica Stanley is an idiot."

MISS JANE'S OFFICE - DAY

Edward sits before Miss Jane, eating his Thai food.

Miss Jane looking at chart, "I don't understand, Edward. You haven't done anything asinine this week. Are you not feeling well?"

"Touch of the flu."

"I'm at a loss, then. What should we talk about? Your year of absence?"

He smiles his charming smile.

"How 'bout your sex life?"

She tolerates his comment with her withering glance.

"Why don't we discuss your driving need to be a hemorrhoid?"

"What's to discuss?"

"You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, and as far as I can tell, you're only slightly psychotic… so why is it that you're such a fuck-up?"

"Well, you know… there's the prestige of the job title… and the benefits package is pretty good…"

The bell rings.

"Fine. Go do something repugnant and give us something to talk about next week."

TUTORING ROOM - DAY

Several pairs of tutors and students sit at the various desks.

Rosalie sits with Tyler. She attempts to get him to do geometry, but he stares at her, as if smitten.

"Look, it's really easy."

"You're a freedom fighter. Be proud, sister."

Rosalie sets down her pencil and closes the book.

Rosalie rudely, "I am not a political figure. I do not live in South Africa. My parents just spent a few too many acid trips thinking they were revolutionaries."

"But you freed our people!"

"Your 'people' are white, suburban high school boys who smoke too much hemp. I have not freed you, Tyler."(grabbing his arm dramatically) "Only you can free yourself."

ACROSS THE ROOM

Alice and Jasper sit side by side, cozy as can be.

"C'esc ma tete. This is my head."

"Right. See? You're ready for the quiz."

"I don't want to know how to say that though. I want to know useful things. Like where the good stores are. How much does champagne cost? Stuff like that. I have never in my life had to point out my head to someone."

"That's because it's such a nice one."

"Forget French."

She shuts her book and puts on a seductive smile.

Alice continuing, "How is our little Find-the-Wench-A-Date plan progressing?"

"Well, there's someone I think might be…"

Alice's eyes light up, "Show me!"

HALLWAY - DAY

Jasper and Alice lean against the wall -inconspicuously. Alice plays it cool.

"Give me a sign when he walks by. And don't point."

The bell rings. Kids flood past. Then Edward saunters by with Jacob. Jasper nudges Alice.

"There."

"Where?"

Out of desperation, Jasper awkwardly lunges across Edward's path. Edward shoves him back against the wall without a thought. Jasper lands in a thud at Alice's feet.

"I guess he didn't see me" (calling after Edward) "Some other time…"

Alice watches Edward, a wicked gleam in her eye.

"My God, he's repulsive. He's so perfect!"


	5. Chapter 5

GYM CLASS - DAY

Several volleyball games are being played.

James and a member of his hulking entourage, approach Edward, who still manages to look cool, even in gym clothes. They pull him aside roughly.

Edward shrugging them off, "What?"

James points, "See that girl?"

Edward follows his line of vision to Bella as she spikes the ball into some poor cowboy's face.

"Yeah"

"What do you think?"

Bella wins the game and high fives the others, who are scared of her.

"Two legs, nice rack…"

"Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out with her."

"Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it."

"You just said…"

"You need money to take a girl out."

"But you'd go out with her if you had the take?"

Edward stares at James deadpan. His dislike for the guy obvious.

Edward sarcastic, "Yeah, I'd take her to Europe if I had the plane."

James smiles.

"You got it, Cullen. I pick up the tab, you do the honors."

"You're gonna pay me to take out some girl?"

"I can't date her sister until that one gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch. She doesn't want a boyfriend."

"How much?"

"Twenty bucks each time you take her out."

"I can't take a girl like that out on twenty bucks."

"Fine, thirty."

Edward raises an eyebrow, urging him up.

James continuing "Take it or leave it. This isn't a negotiation."

"Fifty and you've got your man."

Edward walks away with a smile.

FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY

Bella and the rest of the team go through a grueling practice session. Bella spares no one as she whips the ball all over the field.

Edward sits on the bleachers nearby, watching. A cigarette dangles from his mouth. His pal, Jacob is next to him.

Mr. Clapp, the coach, blows the whistle.

Mr. Clapp proudly, "Good run, Swan."

Bella nods in response, and the girls leave the field. Edward hops down to follow.

"Hey. Girlie."

Bella stops and turns slowly to look at him.

Edward continuing, "I mean woe-man. How ya doin'?"

Bella smiles brightly, "Sweating like a pig, actually. And yourself?"

"There's a way to get a guy's attention."

"My mission in life."

She stands there undaunted, hand on hip.

Bella continuing, "Obviously, I've struck your fancy. So, you see, it worked. The world makes sense again."

Edward's eyes narrow. He steps closer.

"Pick you up Friday, then."

"Oh, right. Friday."

Edward backs up a little. He uses his most seductive tone.

"The night I take you to places you've never been before. And back."

"Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside? Do you even know my name, screw boy?"

"I know a lot more than that."

Bella stares at him.

"Doubtful. Very doubtful."

She walks away quickly, leaving him standing alone.

Edward calling after her, "You're no bargain either, sweetheart."

Jacob appears at his side, "So I guess the Volvo won't be getting new speakers."

ACROSS THE FIELD

Jasper and Emmett watch.

"He took the bait."

SWAN HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT

Bella washes her face at the sink. Alice appears behind her, and attempts to twist Bella's hair into a chignon.

She whacks Alice away.

"Have you ever considered a new look? I mean, seriously, you could have some potential buried under all this hostility."

Bella pushes past her into the hallway.

"I have the potential to smack the crap out of you if you don't get out of my way."

"Can you at least start wearing a bra?"

Bella slams her door in response.

HALLWAY - DAY

Edward, Jacob, and some other randoms head for the exit.

"You up for a burger?"

Edward looks in his wallet. It's empty.

HALLWAY - DAY

Bella stands at her locker, gathering her books. Edward appears at her side, smiling.

"Hey"

Bella doesn't answer.

Edward continuing, "You hate me don't you?"

"I don't really think you warrant that strong an emotion."

"Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at the track with me."

"And why would I do that?"

"Come on… the ponies, the flat beer, you with money in your eyes, me with my hand on your ass…"

"You… covered in my vomit."

"Seven-thirty?"

She slams her locker shut and walks away.

DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT

Bella emerges from a music store carrying a bag of CDs in her teeth, and fumbling through her purse with both hands. She finds her keys and pulls them out with a triumphant tug.

She looks up and finds Edward sitting on the hood of her car.

"Nice ride. Vintage fenders."

Bella takes the bag out of her mouth.

"Are you following me?"

"I was in the Laundromat. I saw your car. Thought I'd say hi."

"Hi"

She gets in and starts the car.

"You're not a big talker, are you?"

"Depends on the topic. My fenders don't really whip me into a verbal frenzy."

She starts to pull out, and is blocked by James's Viper, which pulls up perpendicular to her rear and parks.

James and his groupies emerge and head for the liquor store.

Bella continuing, "Hey… do you mind?"

"Not at all."

They continue on into the store. Bella stares at them in disbelief…

Then BACKS UP, her vintage fenders CRASH into the door of James's precious Viper.

Edward watches with a delighted grin James races out of the liquor store.

James continuing, "You fucking bitch!"

Bella pulls forward and backs into his car again. Smiling sweetly.

SWAN HOUSE - NIGHT

Charlie paces as Bella sits calmly on the couch reading a book.

"My insurance does not cover PMS!"

"Then tell them I had a seizure." Bella responds still reading her book.

"Is this about Sarah Lawrence? Are you punishing me?"

"I thought you were punishing me."

"Why can't we agree on this?" Charlie asks rubbing the bones on his nose.

"Because you're making decisions for me."

"As a parent, that's my right!"

"So what I want doesn't matter?"

"You're eighteen. You don't know what you want. You won't know until you're forty-five and you don't have it."

Bella emphatic, "I want to go to an East Coast school! I want you to trust me to make my own choices. I want…"

Charlie's beeper goes off.

"Christ! I want a night to go by that I'm not staring a contraction in the face."

He walks out, leaving Bella stewing on the couch.

HALLWAY - DAY

Edward shuts his graffiti-encrusted locker, revealing James's angry visage, glowering next to him.

"When I shell out fifty, I expect results."

"I'm on it!"

"Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't count as a date."

"I got her under control. She just acts crazed in public to keep up the image."

James sees through the bluff.

"Let me put it to you this way, if you don't get any action, I don't get any action. So get your ass on hers by the end of the week."

James starts to walk off.

"I just upped my price."

James turning, "What?"

"A hundred bucks a date."

"Forget it."

"Forget her sister, then."

James thinks for a frustrated moment, punches the locker, then peels another fifty out of his wallet with a menacing scowl.

"You better hope you're as smooth as you think you are, Cullen."

Edward takes the money with a smile.


	6. Chapter 6

TUTORING ROOM - DAY

Jasper runs a sentence past Alice.

"La copine et I 'ami? La diferance?"

Alice glares at him.

"A 'copine' is someone you can count on. An 'ami' is someone who makes promises he can't keep."

Jasper closes the French book.

"You got something on your mind?"

"I counted on you to help my cause. You and that thug are obviously failing. Aren't we ever going on our date?"

He melts, "You have my word, as a gentleman."

"You're sweet."

She touches his hand. He blushes at her praise and watches her toss her hair back.

Jasper appreciative, "How do you get your hair to look like that?"

"Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days. And I never, ever use a blow dryer without the diffuser attachment."

Jasper nods with interest.

"You know, I read an article about that."

Alice looks surprised.

"You did?"

BOY'S ROOM - DAY

Edward stands at the sink, washing his hands Emmett and Jasper cower in the corner, watching him.

Edward without turning around, "Say it."

Emmett clearing his throat, "What?"

"Whatever the hell it is you're stand-in' there wait in' to say."

Jasper bravely steps forward.

"We wanted to talk to you about the plan."

Edward turns toward them.

"What plan?"

"The situation is… my man Jasper here has a major Jones for Alice Swan."

"What is it with this chick? She have three tits?"

Jasper starts to object, but Emmett holds up a hand.

"I think I speak correctly when I say that Jasper's love is pure. Purer than say… James Dorsey's."

"Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm just in this for the cash."

Jasper starts choking at the thought of James plowing his beloved Alice.

"That's where we can help you, with Bella."

"So Dorsey can get the girl?"

"Edward, my man, you're not looking at the big picture. James's just a pawn. We set this whole thing up so Jasper can get the girl."

Edward smiles. He likes the idea of James being a pawn in this game.

"You two are gonna help me tame the wild beast?"

Emmett grinning, "We're your guys."

"And he means that strictly in a non-prison-movie type of way."

"Yeah… we'll see."

He swings the door open and exits, leaving Emmett and Jasper grinning at each other.

"We're in."

CLASSROOM - DAY

Close up on a party invitation as it gets handed out. "Future Princeton Grad Erik Yorkie proudly presents a Saturday night bash at his abode. Casual attire".

Emmett holds the invitation up to Jasper.

"This is it. A golden opportunity. Edward can ask Bella to the party."

"In that case, we'll need to make it a school-wide blow out."

"Will Erik get bent?"

"Are you kidding? He'll piss himself with joy. He's the ultimate kiss ass."

CAFETERIA - DAY

Emmett hands a jock the party invite as they pass each other at the trash cans.

GYM CLASS - DAY

The jock calls a fellow jock.

MATH CLASS - DAY

Jock whispers to a cheerleader.

COURTYARD - DAY

The cheerleader calls a White Rasta that she's making out with, showing him the invite.

TRACK - DAY

The White Rasta tells a cowboy as they run laps during track practice.

SHOWERS - DAY

The cowboy Cells a Coffee Kid, as he shields his java from the spray of the shower.

HALLWAY - DAY

James stands ac his open locker with Alice. The locker is homage to James's "modeling" career. Cheesy print ads of him -- running in a field of daisies, petting a kitten, etc. -- adorn the locker door.

"Which do you like better?"

Headshots of James, in one, he's pouting in a white shirt. In the other, he's pouting in a black shirt.

"I think I like the white shirt."

James nods thoughtfully.

"It's more."

"Expensive?"

"Exactly!" (beat) "So, you going to Erik Yorkie's thing on Saturday?"

"Hopefully."

He gives her his best flirtatious smile.

"Good, 'cause I'm not gonna bother if you won't be there."

He taps her on the nose and she giggles.

TUTORING ROOM

Alice sits across from Jasper, who's transfixed, as always.

"Have you heard about Erik Yorkie's party?"

"Sure have."

Alice pouting, "I really, really, really wanna go, but I can't. Not unless my sister goes."

"I'm work-in' on it. But she doesn't seem to be go in' for him."

He fishes.

Jasper continuing, "She's not a…"

"Lesbian? No. I found a picture of Johnny Depp in one of her drawers, so I'm pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex tendencies."

"So that's the kind of guy she likes? Pretty ones?"

"Who knows? All I've ever heard her say is that she'd dip before dating a guy that smokes."

Jasper furiously takes notes.

"All right. What else is she partial to?"

DIVE BAR - NIGHT

Edward plays pool with some random deviant cronies.

He looks up when he hears a commotion at the door. Alistair the bouncer is in the midst of throwing Emmett and Jasper out.

"Alistair, it's okay. They're with me."

Alistair looks at Edward, surprised, and then reluctantly lets our two non-deviants pass through.

Edward guides them to a table and sips from a beer.

Edward continuing, "What've you got for me?"

"I've retrieved certain pieces of information on Miss Isabella Swan I think you'll find helpful."

Jasper pulls out a piece of paper.

Emmett to Edward, "One question before we start -- should you be drinking alcohol when you don't have a liver?"

"What?"

"Good enough."

Jasper looks up at Edward.

"Number one. She hates smokers!"

"It's a lung cancer issue."

"Her favorite uncle…" Jasper explains.

Emmett continues, "…Dead at forty-one."

Edward sits up, "Are you telling me I'm a…" (spits the word out) "non-smoker?"

"Just for now."

"Another thing. Alice said that Bella likes -- pretty guys." Jasper says which is met with silence.

"What? You don't think I'm pretty?" Edward asks standing up fully from the pool table, with one eyebrow raised.

Emmett smacks Jasper, "He's pretty!"

"Okay! I wasn't sure…"

Jasper goes back to the list.

Jasper continuing, "Okay… Likes: Thai food, feminist prose, and 'angry, stinky girl music of the indie-rock persuasion'."

"So what does that give me? I'm supposed to buy her some noodles and a book and sit around listening to chicks that can't play their instruments?"

"Ever been to Club Skunk?" Emmett asks.

"Yeah."

"Letters to Cleo is playing there tomorrow night."

"Don't make me do it, man."

"Assail your ears for one night."

"It's her favorite band" Jasper states.

Edward groans.

"I also retrieved a list of her most recent CD purchases, courtesy of American Express."

He hands it over.

Edward smiling, "Emmett… did you get this information 'illegally'?"

Emmett puts a finger to his lips.

"I prefer to think of it simply as an alternative to what the law allows."

"I'm liking' you guys better."

He looks down at the list of CDs.

Edward continuing, "This is really music?"


	7. Chapter 7

BELLA'S ROOM - NIGHT

Music blares in a room with minimalist decor splashed with indie rock band posters and flyers.

Bella and Rosalie dance as they dress and apply make-up Alice enters, interrupting their fun.

"Can you turn down the Screaming Menstrual Bitches? I'm trying to study."

Bella doesn't move, so Alice crosses to the stereo, turning down the volume.

Alice continuing, "Don't tell me you're actually going out? On a school night, no less."

Bella shoots her a glare.

Alice continuing; excited, "Oh my God, does this mean you're becoming normal?"

"It means that Letters to Cleo is playing at Club Skunk and we're going."

Alice disappointed, "Oh, I thought you might have a date" (beat) "I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, but are you going to Erik Yorkie's party Saturday night?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you're a freak. I think you do this to torture me. And I think you suck."

She smiles sweetly and shuts the door behind her. Bella doesn't bat an eye. She grabs her purse and opens the door, "Let's hit it."

CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT

A happy black and white neon skunk sprays fine mist on the line of kids below.

CLUB FOYER - NIGHT

Bella and Rosalie walk in, Rosalie nervously pulling out her fake ID. The giant bouncer, Garrett, looks typically mono-syllabic.

Rosalie whispering to Bella, "You think this'll work?"

"No fear."

They approach Garrett. Bella puts on her happy, shiny face.

Bella continuing, "Hello! We'd like two for Letters to Cleo!"

Garrett looks the girls up and down.

"I can count."

He looks at their IDs. Rosalie gently moves Bella aside, wearing a face that could only be described as 'I AM a Victoria's Secret model.'

"I'll bet you can…"

She sticks out her chest and licks her lips. Garrett stares at her deadpan and hands her back the IDs.

"Go ahead."(to Rosalie) "And you"

Rosalie all come hither, "Yes?"

"Take it easy on the guys in there."

Rosalie winks at him and sashays inside. Bella follows behind, shaking her head.

CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT

Edward's mail truck clatters to a stop out front.

CLUB FOYER - NIGHT

Edward walks up to Garrett, who's frisking a badly mow-hawked pierced eyebrow boy. Garrett pulls a switchblade out of the boy's inside pocket.

"Next time, leave the Bic at home, Jared."

"It's a bottle opener."

Garrett pushes him inside the club, and then sees Edward.

"Cullen, my man."

They shake.

"Always a pleasure, Gar."

"Didn't have you pegged for a Letters to Cleo fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen belly-button ring for you?"

"Fan of a fan. You see a couple of minors come in?"

"Never" Garrett said without missing a beat.

"Forks girls. One tall, decent body. The other one kind of short and undersexed?"

"Just sent'em through."

Edward starts to go in.

Garrett continuing, "Hey… what happened to that chick you brought last time? The one with the snake?"

Edward laughs and goes into the club.

CLUB - NIGHT

Onstage, the all-female band Letters to Cleo is parlaying their bad girl sass into a ripping punk number.

Near the stage is a joyful mass of pogoing teens at the bar.

Edward bellies up and looks around the club. Letters to Cleo finishes a song.

Lead Singer, "Hello, out there. We're Letters to Cleo and we're from Boston."

A teenage boy in the audience takes the opportunity to scream, "Pet my kitty!"

"Meow"

They rev into their next song.

NEAR THE STAGE

Rosalie and Bella glow with sweat. When they hear the opening chords of the song, they look at each other and scream with glee as they begin to dance. They couldn't be having a better time.

AT THE BAR

Edward signals to get the bartender's attention and looks across the bouncing surge of the crowd. He spots Bella and Rosalie singing along.

The gleeful Bella… dancing and looking completely at ease. None of her usual "attitude'. Edward is transfixed. And most definitely attracted.

Near the stage Bella looks at Rosalie.

Bella shouting, "I need aqua!"

She makes her way through the crowd to the bar.

AT THE BAR

She made it. She signals for the bartender and as she's waiting, looks around. She spots Edward a few feet away.

Bella to herself, "Shit."

She sneaks a glance. He's staring, but this time he looks away before she can. Despite herself, she's miffed.

The bartender arrives shouting, "What can I get you?"

"Two waters."

She looks at Edward again. He's completely absorbed in the band. She scowls. The bottled water arrives and she marches off, forgetting to pay.

She walks up to Edward.

Bella continuing, "You're not fooling anyone."

Edward looks at her, surprised yelling, "Hey. Great show, huh?"

Bella yelling, "If you're planning on asking me out you might as well get it over with."

Edward yelling, "Excuse me?"

Bella yelling, "That's what you want, isn't it?"

Edward yelling; gesturing toward the band, "Do you mind? You're sort of ruining it for me."

Bella steams and watches him watch the band.

Bella yelling, "You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke."

The band takes a break, so they can stop yelling now.

"I know. I quit."

He leans back, making no attempt to hit on her. She moves closer.

"Oh, really?"

He motions toward the stage, "You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill or The Raincoats, but they're right up there."

"You know who The Raincoats are?"

"Why, don't you?"

She's completely taken aback. He uses the moment to his advantage and brushes her hair back as he speaks right into her ear.

Edward continuing, "I watched you out there. I've never seen you look like that."

Bella steps away, brushing the hair back that he just touched her cheeks pinken.

His cocky side is back in a flash.

Edward continuing, "Come to that party with me."

At that moment, the band starts another song.

Bella yelling, "What?"

The bartender approaches yelling to Bella, "You forgot to pay!"

Edward yelling, "I got it, Rick."

He tosses some bills on the bar.

Rather than thank him, Bella simply watches him, trying to figure out his motive.

Edward continued yelling, "Nine-thirty then."

A few people have gotten between them at the bar and she can't hear a word he's saying. She gives him one last look and heads back into the crowd.

Edward smiles. She didn't say no this time.


	8. Chapter 8

CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT

The crowd files out of the club, Bella and Rosalie amongst them. As they're walking toward the parking lot, Edward coasts by in his truck. The gears grind. He yells out the window.

"What'd he say?"

"Who cares?"

Rosalie watches Bella as she stares after Edward.

"Has he importuned you with love in honorable fashion?"

Bella glances sharply at her.

Rosalie continues off her look, "Don't be Cruella with me. I'm in favor of romance. You're the one that wants to march on Washington every five minutes."

Bella pokes her, and then looks back at the club dreamily.

"Letters to Cleo was so beyond."

Rosalie nods, "They were. I only wish William could have been here to witness the rebirth of punk rock with us."

Bella links her arm through Rosalie's and they head for the car.

"So true."

HALLWAY - DAY

Jasper and Emmett are at Emmett's locker.

"So, then she says that she almost didn't wear the Kenneth Coles with that dress because she thought she was mixing, you know, genres. And the fact that I noticed… and I'm quoting here -'really meant something'."

Jasper looks At Emmett expectantly.

"You told me that part already."

"Hell, I've just been going over the whole thing in my head and…"

James appears over Jasper's shoulder.

"Hey. Dingo Bingo."

Jasper and Emmett look at each other and turn around slowly.

James continuing; to Emmett, "I hear you're helping' Cullen."

"Uh, yeah. We're old friends."

"You and Cullen?"

"What? We took bathes together when we were kids."

It's incredibly obvious that he's lying. James eyes him then turns to Jasper.

"What's your gig in all this?"

"I'm just the new guy."

James turns back to Emmett, grabbing the alligator on his shirt and twisting it.

"You better not fuck this up. I'm heavily invested."

"Hey… it's all for the higher good right?"

James lets go of Emmett and shoves Jasper against a locker for good measure, as he walks away.

"Is it about me?"

MISS JANE'S OFFICE - DAY

Bella sits outside waiting for her appointment, bored and annoyed.

The door opens and Miss Jane escorts Edward out.

"You're completely demented."

Edward cheery, "See you next week!"

Bella stands and Edward sees her, Miss Jane watches in horror.

"You two know each other?"

"Yeah/No" They say together.

Miss Jane grabs Bella and shoves her into her office.

Miss Jane to Edward, "Dear God, stay away from her. If you two ever decided to breed, evil would truly walk the earth."

Edward gives Bella one last look before the door shuts, then smiles.

SWAN HOUSE - NIGHT

The lights are on, illuminating the yard.

SWAN HOUSE/UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT

Alice and Victoria stand outside Bella's room. Music is blaring and the door is shut. Alice looks at her watch.

"She's obviously not going."

LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Across the carpet, two pairs of teenage girl feet sneak past. Alice and Victoria, teddy bear purses in hand. From the kitchen a rustling is heard. The girls freeze.

Charlie emerges from the kitchen with a mile-high sandwich. The girls are like statues, Charlie jumps.

"Daddy, I…"

"And where're you going?"

"If you must know, we were attempting to go to a small study group of friends."

"Otherwise known as an orgy?"

"It's just a party. Daddy, but I knew you'd forbid me to go since 'Gloria Steinem' over there isn't going…"

She points to Bella -- Walkman blaring -- who comes downstairs, wearing a baby tee and battered Levis. Her relaxing-at-home look is about 400 times sexier than her at-school look. She wanders toward the kitchen.

Charlie directs his attention toward Bella.

"Do you know about any party? Isabella?"

Bella shrugs as she comes back out of the kitchen with an Apple.

"Daddy, people expect me to be there!"

"If Bella's not going, you're not going."

Alice turns to Bella, eyes ablaze.

"You're ruining my life. Because you won't be normal, I can't be normal."

"What's normal?"

"Erik Yorkie's party is normal, but you're too busy listening to Bitches Who Need Prozac to know that."

"What's an Erik Yorkie?"

Bella takes off her earphones, ready to do battle.

"Can't you forget for just one night that you're completely wretched?"

"At least I'm not a clouted fen-sucked hedge-pig."

Alice tosses her hair.

"Like I'm supposed to know what, that even means."

"It's Shakespeare. Maybe you've heard of him?"

"Yeah, he's your freak friend Rosalie's boyfriend. I guess since I'm not allowed to go out, I should obsess over a dead guy, too."

"Girls"

Bella stares Alice down.

"I know about the goddamn party. I'm going."

Alice and Victoria look at each other, thrilled, and burst into gleeful screams.

A startled Charlie clutches Alice in a protective hug.

"Oh, God. It's starting."

"It's just a party. Daddy."

Charlie looks dazed.

"Wear the belly before you go."

"Daddy, no!"

"Just for a minute."

He rushes to a cupboard and pulls out a padded faux-pregnancy belly.

Charlie continuing, "I want you to realize the weight of your decisions."

He hangs the belly on her as she stands mortified.

"You are so completely unbalanced."

"Can we go now?"

Charlie to Alice, "Promise me you won't talk to any boys unless your sister is present."

"Why?"

"Because she'll scare them away."

Bella stomps to the door, grabbing her car keys off the hall table and a sweater from the coat rack. She flings open the door and…"

There stands Edward.

"Nine-thirty right?"

Bella's in shock.

Edward continuing, "I'm early."

She holds up her keys, "I'm driving."

He peeks in behind her.

"Who knocked up your sister?"

ERIK YORKIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Erik, a short Future MBA in a tux, greets his guests like a pro, handing out cigars and martinis.

"Nice to see you. Martini bar to the right, shots in the kitchen."

The house is filled to capacity with Forks High's finest Bella pushes through the crowd. Edward saunters in behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

ERIK'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

James lines up a row of shots amid much whooping and hollering within the jock crowd.

Bella enters, then quickly tries to make an about face. James sees her and rushes over to block her, standing in the doorway.

"Look-in' fresh tonight, Bella."

Bella gives him a death look and then stops and points at his forehead.

"Wait… was that? Did your hairline just recede?"

He panics, whipping out a handy pocket mirror. She's already walking away.

"Where ya going?"

"Away."

"Your sister here?"

Bella's face shows utter hatred.

"Leave my sister alone."

James smirking, "And why would I do that?"

A ruckus sounds from the next room.

"A fight!" a jock yells to everyone.

The other jocks rush to watch as two Coffee Kids splash their cupfuls on each other.

"That was a New Guinea Pea berry, you Folgers's-crystals-slurping-butt wipe."

Stefan yells while caffeinated fists fly. James slithers away from the door to watch, giving Bella one last smirk, just as Alice walks into the kitchen.

"Just who I was looking for."

He puts his arm around Alice and escorts her out.

"ALICE!" Alice keeps walking, ignoring Bella.

A guy pouring shots hands Bella one she downs it and accepts another.

"Drink up, sister."

Edward walks up, "What's this?"

Bella mocking, "I'm getting trashed, man. Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a party?"

"I say… do what you wanna do."

"Funny, you're the only one."

She downs another.

ERIK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Jasper and Emmett enter. Jasper looks, around for his beloved, while Emmett schmooze with all in attendance and dishes dirt simultaneously.

Emmett high-fiving a Jock, "Moose, my man!" (to Jasper) "Ranked fifth in the state. Recruiters have already started calling."

Jasper nods intently.

Emmett continuing; grabbing his belt, "Yo, Vladimir." To Jasper, "A Patsy Cline fan, but hates the new Leanne Rimes." With a Jamaican swagger, "Tyler, peace, bra." To Jasper, "Prefers a water pipe, but has been known to use a bong."

Emmett spots Alice and Victoria, watching the skirmish, and points Jasper's body in her direction.

Emmett continuing, "Follow the love, man."

Alice cranes her neck.

"Where did he go? He was just here."

"Who?"

"James."

Jasper walks over.

"Evening, ladies."

Alice turns and graces him with a pained smile.

"Hi."

"Looks like things worked out tonight, huh?"

Alice ignores the question and tries to pawn him off.

"You know Victoria?"

"I believe we share an art instructor."

"Great."

"Would you mind getting me a drink, Jasper?"

"Certainly, Pabst? Old Milwaukee? RaiJieer?"

Alice gives him a tense smile.

"Surprise me."

He heads for the kitchen. James walks up and grabs her around the waist.

She giggles as he picks her up and carries her off… just as Jasper returns, a beer… complete with a napkin and straw… in his hand.

Victoria glares with a jealous fury after Alice and James, then gives Jasper the once-over and walks away.

Emmett appears.

"Extremely unfortunate maneuver."

"The hell is that? What kind of 'guy just picks up a girl and carries her away while you're talking to her?"

"Buttholes extremes. But hey, you're making progress."

"No, I'm not."

He smacks himself in the head.

Jasper continuing, "She used me! She wants to go out with Dorsey. Not me. I'm an idiot!"

Emmett pats him on the shoulder.

"At least you're self-aware."

ERIK'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

Bella and a crowd of White Rasta's and Cowboys stand in a drunken group hug singing "I Shot the Sheriff". Bella has another shot glass in hand.

Edward is showing a scar to an inebriated, enraptured cheerleader. He looks up at Bella and smiles that meets his eyes then looks away.

ERIK'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Alice stands next to James, sipping from her beer.

"So yeah, I've got the Sears catalog thing going -- and the tube sock gig that's gonna be huge. And then I'm up for an ad for Queen Harry next week."

"Queen Harry?" Alice asked confused.

"It's a gay cruise line, but I'll be, like, wearing a uniform and stuff."

Alice tries to appear impressed, but it's getting difficult.

"Neat…"

"My agent says I've got a good shot at being the Prada guy next year."

He looks over her shoulder and waves at someone. Alice takes the opportunity to escape.

"I'll be right back."

ERIK'S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Alice shuts the door and leans on it with a sigh. Victoria applies lip-gloss in the mirror.

"He practically proposed when he found out we had the same dermatologist. I mean. Dr. Amun is great an all, but he's not exactly relevant party conversation."

"Is he oily or dry?"

"Combination, I don't know -- I thought he'd be different. More of a gentleman…"

Victoria rolls her eyes, "Alice, I don't think the highlights of dating James Dorsey are going to include door-opening and coat-holding."

"Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're supposed to want to go out with are the ones we actually want to go out with, you know?"

"All I know is… I'd give up my private line to go out with a guy like James."

There's a knock at the door. Alice opens it to find a very drunken Bella.

"Alice, I need to talk to you… I need to tell you…"

Alice cutting her off, "I really don't think I need any social advice from you right now."

Alice grabs Victoria's arm and they exit.

ERIK'S KITCHEN - NIGHT - LATER

Edward tries to remove a shot glass from Bella's hand.

"Maybe you should let me have it."

Bella is fierce in her refusal to let go, "I want another one!"

James enters, grabbing Edward by the shoulder, distracting him from his task.

"My man."

As Edward turns, Bella breaks free and dives into the sea of dancing people in the dining room.

Edward annoyed, "It's about time."

"A deal's a deal." He peels off some bills, "How'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Get her to act like a human."

A very drunken Bella jumps up onto the kitchen, island and starts dancing by herself. She lets loose, hair flying. She's almost burlesque. Others form a crowd, clapping and cheering her on.

She swings her head around and bangs it on a copper pot hanging from the rack above the center island. She starts to sway, then goes down as Edward rushes over to catch her. The others clap, thinking this is a wonderful finale. Edward sets her down on her feet, holding her up.

"Okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm…"

She tries to push him away, but staggers when she does grabs her again, bracing her.

"You're not okay."

"I just need to lie down for awhile…"

"Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep."

"I know, just let me sleep…"

"What if you have a concussion? My dog went to sleep with a concussion and woke up a vegetable. Not that I could tell the difference…"

She tries to sit on the floor, "Okay, I'll just sleep but stay awake, okay?"

He pulls her back to her.

"C'mon, let's walk."


	10. Chapter 10

ERIK'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT

As Edward walks Bella through the dining room, Jasper grabs his arm.

"We need to talk."

"Jasper, I'm a little busy." Trying to balance Bella in a standing position.

"It's off. The whole thing."

Bella slides down to the floor and Edward struggles to get her back on her feet.

"What're you talking about?"

"She's partial to James, not me."

Edward doesn't have time for this.

"Jasper… do you like the girl?"

"Sure."

Edward impatient, "Then, go get her."

Edward continues walking an oblivious Bella outside. Jasper stands there, unsure how to make use of this advice.

ERIK YORKIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Edward marches Bella around the yard, holding her up.

"This is so patronizing."

"Leave it to you to use big words when you're shitfaced."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I told you."

"You don't care if I die."

"Sure, I do."

"Why?"

"Because then I'd have to start taking out girls who like me."

"Like you could find one."

"See that? Who needs affection when I've got blind hatred?"

"Just let me sit down."

He walks her over to the swing set and plops her down in a swing, moving her hands to hang onto the chains.

"How's that?"

She sits and looks at him for a moment with a smile. Then falls over backward.

Edward continuing, "Jesus. You're like a weeble."

Edward rushes to right her, and then starts pushing her on the swing to keep her entertained.

Edward continuing, "Why'd you let him get to you?"

"Who?"

"Dorsey."

"I hate him."

"I know. It'd have to be a pretty big deal to get you to mainline tequila. You don't seem like the type."

Bella holding up a drunken head, "Hey man… You don't think I can be 'cool'? You don't think I can be 'laid back' like everyone else?"

Edward slightly sarcastic, "I thought you were above all that."

"You know what they say."

He stops the swing, "No. What do they say?"

Bella is asleep, her head resting against the swing's chains.

Edward continuing "Shit!"

He drags her to her feet and starts singing loudly.

"Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Wake up damn it!"

He sits her down on the slide and shakes her like a rag doll.

Edward continuing, "Bella! Wake up!"

Bella waking, "What?"

He sighs with relief.

"I thought you were…"

They share some meaningful eye contact. And then she pukes on his shoes.

ERIK'S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Bella washes her face and grabs a bottle of Scope, taking a big swig.

A knock sounds at the door.

"Go away."

Alice opens the door and looks at her sister with the smuggest of all possible grins.

"Dinner taste better on the way out?"

Bella gives her a 'don't even start' look.

Alice continuing, "I don't get you. You act like you're too good for any of this, and then you go totally ape shit when you get here."

"You're welcome."

She pushes past her and leaves the bathroom.

BELLA'S CAR - NIGHT

Bella's in the driver's seat. Edward leans in and takes the keys out of the ignition.

"Cute."

ERIK YORKIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Kids loiter on the lawn. Alice and Victoria walk outside James catches up to them.

"A bunch of us are going to Laurent's house. Wanna come?"

Victoria looks at Alice, who wears a pained expression. She looks at her watch.

"I have to be home in twenty minutes."

Victoria eagerly, to James, "I don't have to be home 'til two."

"Then, c'mon" to Alice, "Maybe next time…"

They head back into the party, leaving an astonished Alice.

Jasper exits the party and stops when he sees Alice standing alone.

Jasper slightly accusatory, "Have fun tonight?"

"Tons."

He starts to walk on.

Alice continuing, "Jasper?"

He stops; she gives him a helpless smile.

Alice continuing, "Do you think you could give me a ride home?"

BELLA'S CAR - NIGHT

Edward drives as Bella sits in the passenger seat, fiddling with the radio dial. She finds a song she's happy with and Edward quickly changes it.

"I'm driving, so I get to pick the tunes."

She changes it back to her song.

"It's my car."

He changes it back.

"And I'm in control of it."

"But it's Letters to Cleo… I know you like them. I saw you there."

Edward doesn't have an answer for this, so he lets her listen to her song.

Bella continuing, "When you were gone last year… where were you?"

"Busy."

"Were you in jail?"

"Maybe."

"No, you weren't."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Why'd you lie?"

He doesn't answer, but instead, frowns and turns up the music. She bobs her head drunkenly.

Bella continuing, "I should do this."

"Do what?"

"This."

She points to the radio.

"Start a band?"

Bella sarcastically, "My father wouldn't approve of that."

"You don't strike me as the type that would ask permission."

She turns to look at him.

"Oh, so now you think you know me?"

"I'm getting' there."

Her voice loses its venom.

"The only thing people know about me is that I'm 'scary'."

He turns to look at her -- she looks anything but scary right now. He tries to hide his smile.

"Yeah… well, I'm no picnic myself."

They eye each other, sharing a moment of connection, realizing they're both created the same exterior for themselves.

Edward pulls into her driveway and shuts off the motor. He looks up at her house.

Edward continuing, "So what's up with your dad? He a pain in the ass?"

"He just wants me to be someone I'm not."

"Who?"

"ALICE"

"No offense, but you're sister is without. I know everyone likes her and all, but…"

Bella stares at him with new admiration.

"You know… you're not as vile as I thought you were."

She leans drunkenly toward him.

Their faces grow closer as if they're about to kiss. And then Edward turns away.

"So, I'll see you in school."

Bella stares at him, pissed. Then gets out of the car, slamming the door shut behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

JASPER'S CAR - NIGHT

Alice and Jasper ride in silence. He finally breaks it.

"I looked for you back at the party, but you always seemed to be 'occupied'."

Alice faux-innocence, "I was?"

"You never wanted to go out with me, did you?"

Alice bites her lip and reluctantly says, "Well, no…"

"Then that's all you had to say."

"But…"

"You always been this selfish?"

Alice thinks a minute.

He pulls up in front of the house.

"Just because you're beautiful, doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter."

She looks at him for a moment… then grabs his face and gives him a kiss on the lips. He draws back in surprise, and then kisses her back. She smiles, and then gets out of the car without another word.

Jasper grins and drives away.

Jasper continuing, "And I'm back in the saddle."

ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Bella sits at her desk, burying her face in a book as the others enter. The White Rasta known as Tyler is first.

"Bella, my lady, you sway to the rhythm of my heart."

He grabs her hand and kisses it as she pulls it away.

Vladimir, a cowboy enters high-fiving Tyler with new-found friendliness.

"Yippee kai-aye, bra." To Bella, "Dance for me, cowgirl."

He sits next to Tyler.

Vladimir continuing, "Okay, now tell me again why he didn't shoot the deputy?"

"Because the deputy meant him no harm, my friend. It was only the sheriff that was the oppressor." Tyler answers grinning.

James saunters in and takes his seat.

"Bella, babe, you were on fire."

Mr. Banner enters and sits at his desk.

"Well now, did everyone have a good weekend?"

"Maybe we should ask Cullen."

Edward enters, late, and slinks to his desk. Bella looks up, down and around, everywhere but at Edward.

Mr. Banner tries to remember what he's supposed to talk about.

"Okay then. Well." (beat) "Oh, yes."

He clears his throat.

Mr. Banner continuing, "I'd like you all to write your own version of Shakespeare's Sonnet #141."

Groans.

Mr. Banner continuing, "Any form you'd like. Rhyme, no rhyme, whatever. I'd like to see you elaborate on his theme, however. Let's read it aloud, shall we? Anyone?"

The class is frozen in apathy.

Mr. Banner continuing, "Tyler?"

Mr. Banner hands him the sonnet. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat then grins.

Tyler reading; in his Rasta stoner drawl, _"In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes/ For they in thee a thousand errors note/ But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise/ Who in despite of view is pleased to dote."_

In the back of the room Vladimir raises his hand.

"Mr. Banner, can I get the bathroom pass? Damn if Shakespeare don't act as a laxative on my person."

KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY

Bella and Rosalie scrape the peanuts out of their sauce.

"You went to the party? I thought we were officially opposed to suburban social activity."

"I didn't have a choice."

"You didn't have a choice? Where's Bella and what have you done with her?"

"I did Alice a favor and it backfired."

"You didn't."

"I got drunk. I puked. I got rejected. It was big fun."

Edward enters, walking to the counter to order. He sees Bella and smiles.

"Hey."

She gathers her things and bolts out the door. Edward looks at Rosalie, who shrugs and follows Bella.

BIOLOGY CLASS - DAY

Jasper and Emmett flank Edward at his lab table.

"So you got cozy with she who stings?"

"No - I've got a sweet-paying' job that I'm about to lose."

"What'd you do to her?"

"I don't know." (beat) "I decided not to nail her when she was too drunk to remember it."

Emmett and Jasper look at each other in realization, and then turn back to Edward.

"You realize this puts the whole operation in peril."

"No shit. She won't even look at me."

"Why can't you just tell her you're sorry?"

Edward's expression says that this is not a possibility. Emmett makes a time out sign with his hands.

"I'm on it."

HALLWAY - DAY

Rosalie is at her locker. Drawings of William Shakespeare adorn the door. She looks at them with a sigh, and then ties her silk scarf tightly around her neck, in an attempt to cut off her air supply.

Emmett walks up.

"Hey there. Tired of breathing?"

Rosalie shyly, as she loosens the scarf, "Hi."

"Cool pictures, you a fan?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Emmett rocks. Very hip.

"You think?"

"Oh yeah."

She looks at him suspiciously.

"Who could refrain that had a heart to love and in that heart, courage to make thee love known?"

Emmett thinks for a minute.

"Macbeth, right?"

Rosalie happily stunned, "Right."

"Bella a fan, too?"

Rosalie puzzled, "Yeah…"

He leans in close to her, conspiratorially.

"So, listen… I have this friend."

FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY

Jasper sits next to Edward on the bleachers as they watch Bella's practice.

"She hates you with the fire of a thousand suns. That's a direct quote."

"She just needs time to cool off I'll give it a day."

A puck flies at them from the field, narrowly missing their heads.

Edward continuing, "Maybe two."

He looks at Jasper.

Edward continuing, "You making' any headway?"

"She kissed me."

Edward eyebrow raised, "Where?"

HALLWAY - DAY

Victoria rounds the corner and bends down to get a drink from the water fountain.

NEARBY

James stands talking to two jock cohorts. The guys don't see her.

"Don't talk to me about the sweetest date. That little halo Alice is gonna be prone and proven on prom night. Six virgins in a row."

The cohorts chortle Victoria keeps drinking from the fountain.

PARKING LOT - DAY

James leans against Edward's Jeep. Edward is inside.

"I don't know, Dorsey… the limo, the flowers. Another hundred for the tux…"

"Enough with the Barbie n' Ken shit. I know."

He pulls out his wallet and hands Edward a wad of money.

James continuing, "Take it."

Edward does, with a smile, as he roars out of the parking lot.

SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY

Bella and Rosalie deface a prom flyer.

"Can you even imagine? Who the hell would go to this a bastion of commercial excess?"

"Well, I guess we're not, since we don't have dates."

"Listen to you! You sound like Betty, all pissed off because Archie is taking Veronica."

"Okay, okay, we won't go. It's not like I have a dress anyway."

"You're looking at this from the wrong perspective. We're making a statement."

Rosalie unconvinced, "Oh, good. Something new and different for us."


	12. Chapter 12

ARCHERY FIELD - DAY

Mr. Clapp patrols as boys and girls shoot arrows at targets.

James swaggers up to Alice, who is taking careful aim.

Victoria watches from across the row.

"Hey, sweet cheeks."

Alice not looking at him, "Hi James."

"You're concentrating awfully hard considering its gym class."

She lets the arrow go and turns to look at him.

James continuing, "Listen, I want to talk to you about the prom."

"You know the deal. I can't go if Bella doesn't go…"

In the background, a Rasta crumples to the ground. Hit a casualty of gym. Mr. Clapp scurries over.

"Your sister is going."

Alice looks at him, surprised.

"Since when?"

James takes the bow and arrow from Alice's hand. He draws back and takes aim.

"I'm taking care of it."

Victoria looks over from her spot on the field, but keeps lips firmly shut.

BOOK STORE - DAY

Bella browses through the feminist lit section Edward appears, through a hole in the books.

"Excuse me; have you seen The Feminine Mystique? I lost my copy."

Bella frowning, "What are you doing here?"

"I heard there was a poetry reading."

"You're so…"

"Pleasant?"

Bella stares at him, deadpan.

Edward continuing, "Wholesome."

"Unwelcome."

"Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist."

"Don't for one minute think that you had any affect whatsoever on my panties."

"So what did I have an effect on?"

"Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing."

She pushes past him and heads out the' door Edward looks down at the book he's been holding in his hand: Taming of the Shrew.

CAFETERIA - DAY

Jasper and Emmett flank Edward as he shovels food into his mouth.

"You were right. She's still pissed."

"Sweet love, renew thy force!"

"Man… don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you."

Jasper exasperated, "You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score."

"Best case scenario, you're back on the payroll for awhile." Emmett tries to lighten the mood.

"What's the worst?" Edward asks.

"You get the girl." Jasper responds with a smirk.

Edward thinks for a minute.

"If I go down. I'm taken' her with me."

ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Bella and the other students sit at their desks, taking a quiz Edward's seat is conspicuously empty.

From outside, we hear the soft, unsure beginnings of a song. Bella looks up, then out the window, horrified.

The song grows louder until we realize its The Partridge Family's, 'I Think I Love You'. Being sung by Edward.

_**"This morning, I woke up with this feeling, I didn't know how to deal with, and so I just decided to myself…"**_

The students rush to the window. Outside Edward stands beneath the window, crooning.

Jacob is next to him, keeping the beat on the bongos and doing backup vocal sound.

_**"I'd hide it to myself. And never talk about it. And didn't I go and shout it when you walked into the room…"**_

He makes quite a sarcastic show of it.

IN THE CLASSROOM

Mr. Banner touches his heart, as if the song is for him. Bella slowly walks to the window, peeking below.

OUTSIDE

Edward smiles at her as he finishes the verse with a big finale.

Edward continuing, _**"I think I love you I…"**_

INSIDE

The other students laugh, clap, cheer, etc. Bella sinks down, mortified, but with a slight smile.

DETENTION HALL - DAY

Edward and several other miscreants sit quietly, mulling over their misfortune.

Random miscreant, "Nice song, Cullen."

"Flog me."

He makes the appropriate hand gesture.

Mr. Clapp, the gym teacher, sits at the desk in front, ignoring them while he reads a girly weightlifting magazine.

"Excuse me, Mr. Clapp?"

Edward looks up at the sound of her voice and sees Bella standing in the doorway. She gives him a smile and he perks up a little.

Bella walks into the room and addresses Mr. Clapp again. He turns fully to face her.

"Sir, I'd like to state for the record that Mr. Cullen's current incarceration is unnecessary. I never filed a complaint."

"You didn't have to. He disrupted a classroom."

Bella glances over at Edward and motions her head toward the window.

Edward shrugs, not knowing what she's talking about.

She motions again, and looks toward the window with an expression that says, 'Make a break for it, moron.'

Bella brings her attention back to Mr. Clapp while Edward inches out of his seat toward the window.

The other miscreants watch with glee.

"But, Mr. Clapp, I hardly think a simple serenade warrants a week of detention. There are far more hideous acts than off-key singing being performed by the student body on a regular basis."

Edward is halfway out the window now. And none too happy about it, considering they're on the second floor.

He eyes a large tree a few feet away from Mr. Clapp. He starts to turn away from Bella.

"You're not gonna change my mind, Bella. Rules stick."

Bella starts to panic, as Edward has yet to make the jump for the tree.

"Wait, Mr. Clapp. There's something I've always wanted to show you."

He turns back toward her again, the very second before he would have spotted Edward.

Bella glances toward the window. Edward's just about to make the jump.

"What?"

"These." From behind, we see her lift up her shirt and flash her bra at Mr. Clapp, just as Edward makes the jump.

The miscreants cheer, for both the daring' escape and the flash of skin.

Mr. Clapp reddens and tries to be stern.

"I'm going to let that slide, Isabella. But if I catch you doing that again, you'll be in here with the rest of these guys."

He motions to the remaining detention prisoners, without noticing Edward's absence.

Bella smiles at him.

"Thank you, Mr. Clapp."

Bella bolts out the door. Mr. Clapp goes back to his muscle mag. wiping the sweat from his brow.


	13. Chapter 13

SCHOOL CAMPUS LAWN

Bella arrives at the tree. Looking around breathlessly, seeing no one.

"He left! I sprung the dickhead and he cruised on me."

"Look up, sunshine."

She does. He's still in the tree.

"I guess I never told you I'm afraid of heights."

Bella smiling, "C'mon. It's not that bad."

"Try look-in' at it from this angle."

She assesses the branch structure.

"Put your right foot there…"

"Forget it. I'm staying."

"You want me to climb up and show you how to get down?"

Edward voice trembling, "Maybe."

She sighs and dose so. When she gets to his level, she perches on the branch next to him. He grins at her.

Then swings himself down with the grace and ease of a monkey, leaving her sitting there, realizing she's been duped.

"You shit!"

She climbs down after him.

OUTDOOR ARCADE - DAY

Edward and Bella walk amongst the games.

"The Partridge Family?"

"I figured it had to be something ridiculous to win your respect. And piss you off."

"Good call."

"So how'd you get Clapp to look the other way?"

"I dazzled him with my wit."

She stops and picks up a toy gun that shoots water at giggling hyenas and wails on it. The barker hands her a stuffed animal as her prize. She hands it to the small kid next to her and they continue walking.

Edward sarcastic, "A soft side? Who knew?"

"Yeah, well, don't let it get out."

"So what's your excuse?"

"Acting the way we do."

"Yes."

"I don't like to do what people expect. Then they expect it all the time and they get disappointed when you change."

"So if you disappoint them from the start, you're covered?"

"Something like that."

"Then you screwed up."

"How?"

"You never disappointed me."

She blushes under his gaze.

Edward continuing, "You up for it?"

"For…?"

He motions to the sign for a paint-ball game.

The two of them creep through the paint-ball course, stealthy and full of the desire to best the other.

Edward nails Bella in the back with a big glob of red paint Bella gets him in the chest with a glob of blue.

Edward returns fire with a big yellow splat to the side of her face.

Bella squirts a green shot to his forehead. After a few more shots, they're both covered in paint.

She tries to shoot him again, only to find that her gun is empty.

Bella continuing, "Damn it!"

Edward grabs her in a victorious tackle. They land, laughing.

It's hard to even recognize them, as their hair and faces are so smeared with paint globs, but they still manage to find each other's eyes.

He wipes a smear of blue paint away from her lips, as he goes to kiss her.

Nearby the kid with the stuffed animal, points, "Look, Mom."

His mother hurries him away. What's started as a tackle has turned into a passionate kiss.

SWAN HOUSE - NIGHT

Edward pulls up in Bella's driveway. Their paint wardrobe has dried by now and they look like refugees from some strange, yet colorful, war.

"State trooper?"

"Fallacy!"

"The duck?"

"Hearsay."

"I know the porn career's a lie."

He shuts off the car and turns to her.

"Do you?"

He kisses her neck. It tickles. She laughs.

"Tell me something true."

"I hate peas."

"No… something real. Something no one else knows."

Edward in-between kisses, "You're sweet. And sexy. And completely hot for me."

"What?"

"No one else knows."

"You're amazingly self-assured. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Go to the prom with me."

Bella's smile disappears.

"Is that a request or a command?"

"You know what I mean."

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, I won't go with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. It's a stupid tradition."

Edward sits quietly, torn. He can't very well tell her he's being paid to take her.

"People won't expect you to go…"

Bella turns to him, getting angry.

"Why are you doing this?"

"All of it… what's in it for you?"

He sits silently, not looking at her, confirming her suspicions.

Bella continuing, "Create a little drama? Start a new rumor? What?"

"So I have to have a motive to be with you?"

"You tell me."

"You need therapy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Bella quietly, "Answer the question, Edward."

Very angrily "Nothing! There's nothing in it for me. Just the pleasure of your company."

He takes out a cigarette. She breaks it in half before she slams the car door and walks into the house.

Edward peels out of the driveway. Bella turns at the front door and watches him go.

STREET - NIGHT

Edward pulls up to a stop light and waits for the green.

He glances over at a drunken guy in the median, who has decided that he doesn't need to wear pants.

Edward pulls out his wallet, takes the wad of money James gave him and hands it to the homeless guy.

"Cover that up."

The light turns green and Edward pulls away.

SWAN HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT

Bella stands at the sink, scrubbing paint off of her face Alice taps on the open door.

"Quick question… are you going to the prom?"

Bella pushes the door shut with a slam.

STUDY HALL - DAY

Jasper and Alice sit together at their study cubby. She fingers a strand of her hair.

"Then Guillermo says, 'If you go any lighter, you're gonna look like an extra on 90210'."

"No…"

Alice stares at him for a moment.

"Do you listen to this crap?"

"What crap?"

"Me. This endless… blonde babble. I'm like, boring myself."

"Thank God! If I had to hear one more story about your coiffure…"

He mock stabs himself with a pencil as she giggles and smacks his hand away.

Jasper continuing, "I figured you'd get to the good stuff eventually."

"What good stuff?"

"The 'real you'."

"Like my fear of wearing pastels?"

He looks stricken.

Alice continuing, "I'm kidding." (beat) "You know how sometimes you just become this 'persona'? And you don't know how to quit?"

Jasper said matter of fact, "No"

"Okay… you're gonna need to learn how to lie."

HALLWAY - DAY

Rosalie struggles with the lock on her locker. Finally, it opens.

Hanging inside is a beautiful dress, inspired by the 16th Century. Rosalie slowly unpins a note from the dress.

'_0 FAIR ONE. JOIN ME AT THE PROM. I WILL BE WAITING. LOVE, WILLIAM S.'_

Rosalie's agog. Tyler walks by and sees her holding the dress.

"You're gonna look splendiferous in that, Rosalie."

Rosalie looks up sharply, shaken from her reverie.

Tyler continuing, "That's cool to say."

Rosalie grins, "It is."


	14. Chapter 14

SWAN HOUSE/DEN - DAY

Renee is at her computer, "Would you rather be ravished by a pirate or a British rear admiral?"

Charlie at his exercise bike, "Pirate… no question."

Alice enters and walks over to Charlie.

"Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with you. It's tomorrow night…"

"The prom? Bella has a date?"

"No, but…"

"It's that hot rod James, right? That's who you want me to bend my rules for?"

"He's not a 'hot rod'. Whatever that is."

"You're not going unless your sister goes. End of story."

"Fine. I see that I'm a prisoner in my own house. I'm not a daughter. I'm a possession!"

Alice storms out.

Charlie calling out, "You know what happens at proms?"

Renee stops her typing and looks up at Charlie.

"They'll dance, they'll kiss, they'll come home. Let her go."

"Kissing? Is that what you think happens? Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day."

ALICE'S ROOM - NIGHT

Alice lies on her bed. MTV blares. A knock sounds.

"Come in."

Bella enters and sits down on the bed, muting the TV.

Bella kindly, "Listen, I know you hate having to sit home because I'm not Susie High School."

"Like you care."

"I do care. But I'm a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons, not someone else's."

"I wish I had that luxury. I'm the only sophomore that got asked to the prom and I can't go, because you won't."

Bella clears her throat.

"James never told you we went out, did he?"

"What?"

"In 9th. For a month."

Alice confused, "Why?"

Bella self-mocking, "He was, like, a total babe."

"But you hate James."

"Now I do. Back then, was a different story?"

"As in…"

Bella takes a deep breath.

"He said everyone was doing it. So I did it."

"You did what?"

Bella continuing on, "Just once. Afterwards, I told him I didn't want to anymore. I wasn't ready. He got pissed. Then he broke up with me."

Alice stares at her, dumbfounded, "But…"

"After that, I swore I'd never do anything just because 'everyone else' was doing it. And I haven't since. Except for Erik's party and my stunning gastro-intestinal display."

Alice stunned, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to let you make up your own mind about him."

"No. you didn't! If you really thought I could make my own decisions, you would've let me go out with him instead of helping Daddy hold me hostage."

Bella stands up slowly.

"That's not…"

"I'm not stupid enough to repeat your mistakes."

"I guess I thought I was protecting you."

"God, you're just like him! Just keep me locked away in the dark, so I can't experience anything for myself."

"Not all experiences are good, Alice. You can't always trust the people you want to."

"I guess I'll never know, will I?"

She rises and holds the door open for Bella, then slams it behind her.

SWAN HOUSE - DAY

A sprinkler cruises the lawn.

BELLA'S ROOM - DAY

Bella lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. She rolls over and picks up the phone.

ALICE'S ROOM - DAY

Alice, still in her pajamas, eats a bowl of cereal while watching 'I Love Lucy' reruns.

A knock sounds.

"Come in."

Bella opens the door and peers in with a grin.

"Feel like shopping?"

Alice looks up, hopefully.

LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Charlie and Renee are in front of the television. Charlie has the TV Guide in hand, glasses on.

"What do you wanna watch? We've got crap, crap, crap, or crap."

"Dr. Ruth?"

Alice walks into the living room. She's wearing a prom dress.

"Hi, Mommy."

Charlie scurries takes off his glasses and looks from Alice to Renee.

"Honey, you look beautiful!" Renee says with lots of enthusiasm.

"You like? My date should be here in five."

"I'm missing something."

"I have a date, Daddy. And he's not a captain of oppression like some men we know."

The doorbell rings, Alice runs to open it. There stands Jasper; he takes in Alice's outfit.

"Wow!"

"Let's go."

Charlie rises. Renee pulls him back down on the couch.

Renee to Alice, "Have a great time, honey!"

"But… who… what…?" Charlie stutters confused.

The door slams. As Renee looks at Charlie with a grin, a blur rushes down the stairs and out the door. The blur has Bella's voice.

"Hey, guys. I'm going to the prom. See you in a few."

The door slams again. Charlie and Renee are alone.

"What just happened?"

"Your daughters went to the prom."

"Did I have anything to say about it?"

"Absolutely not."

"That's what I thought."

The doorbell rings again. Charlie opens it to find James on the porch, wearing a tux.

"I'm here to pick up Alice."

"Late."

He slams the door shut.

HOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Bella pulls up in her car, emerging resplendent in an ice gown.

Edward sits on the steps, waiting in a tux.

"How'd you get a tux at the last minute?"

"It's Jacob's. His date got convicted. Where'd you get the dress?"

"It's just something I had. You know."

Edward smiling, "Oh huh."

"Look, I'm… sorry… that I questioned your motives. I was wrong."

Edward winces slightly, but covers it with a smile.

"No prob."

He remains seated. Bella fidgets nervously.

"Are you ready?"

He rises and stares at her, taking in her image appreciatively. She blushes and turns away.

Bella continuing, "C'mon. Let's get this over with."

PROM - NIGHT

A hotel ballroom transformed into a fantasy world. Edward and Bella enter, Bella attempting to deny the romance of it.

"Quite the ostentatious display."

Cowboy two-steps by them, dragging some poor girl around.

"Look, Vladimir even wore his good boots."

Bella steps forward, looking around and spots Jasper and Alice dancing cheek to cheek. She smiles.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Rosalie enters nervously, in the long Elizabethan gown, hair piled on top of her head. She spots Bella and hurries over.

"Have you seen him?"

"Who?"

"William… he asked me to meet him here."

"Oh, honey… tell me we haven't progressed to full-on hallucinations."

Edward looks toward the door and taps Bella. She turns and points Rosalie the same way.

Emmett, in full Shakespearean dress with a new goatee on his chin… bows in their direction. Rosalie's grin couldn't be bigger.

Emmett swash buckles over to them, taking Rosalie's hand and leading her onto the dance floor.

"Mi' lady."

To Edward, "Good sir."

Edward rolls his eyes.

PROM - NIGHT - LATER

Bella and Edward dance to a slow song. Whatever he's whispering into her ear is making her laugh.

Jasper and Alice dance nearby, glowing with happiness. She whispers something in his ear and heads for the ladies' room.


	15. Chapter 15

LADIES ROOM - NIGHT

Alice walks in, positively radiant. Victoria emerges from a stall.

Alice surprised, "What are you doing here?"

Victoria checks her hair in the mirror, aloof.

"You think you're the only sophomore at the prom?"

"I did."

Victoria maintains her snooty tone.

"And just so you know, my date Riley isn't planning on spending most of the night in his backseat."

"What're you talking about?"

"James Dorsey is only after one thing… your cherry. He practically made a public announcement."

Appalled, Alice storms out. Victoria tries to backpedal.

Victoria continuing, "I wanted to tell you."

PROM - NIGHT

James, drunk, disorderly and pissed off, walks in with a few stray jocks - also dateless. He zeroes in on Jasper, now consoling a pissed-off Alice.

Edward and Bella continue to slow dance, oblivious to the evil about to erupt.

"My grandmother's…"

"What?"

"That's where I was last year. She'd never lived alone… my grandfather died… I stayed with her. I wasn't in jail, I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I've never slept with a Spice Girl. I spent a year sitting next to my grandma on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune. End of story."

He takes a breath and looks away, not meeting her eyes. Bella stares at him for a moment and laughs a delighted laugh.

"That's completely adorable!"

"It gets worse… you still have your freshman yearbook?"

He's interrupted by James's hand on his shoulder.

"What's Alice doing here with that cheese dick? I didn't pay you to let some little punk ass snake me."

ACROSS THE ROOM

Emmett spots the altercation and dances Rosalie over to Jasper and Alice.

Emmett to Jasper, "Feces hitting fan, C'mon!"

Emmett takes Jasper aside, leaving Rosalie and Alice staring after them.

ACROSS THE ROOM

Emmett and Jasper approach James as he continues to taunt Edward who keeps quiet, realizing the weight of this situation.

Emmett continuing, "James, pal, compadre. Let's take it easy."

James turns toward Emmett and Jasper.

"You two are in big trouble!"

Jasper faces James.

"Admit it. You lost. Be a man."

James punches Jasper in the face, taking him by surprise. Jasper holds his nose as it bleeds onto his tux.

The various cliques descend angrily and James is soon surrounded by seething Cowboys, Coffee Kids, and White Rasta's.

"Very uncool, my brother" Tyler said.

"I'm not your brother, white boy."

The other Rasta's gasp, as if stung by the realization that they're white.

James turns back to Edward and Bella.

James continuing, "Just so you know… she'll only spread her legs once."

Bella looks from James to Edward, not sure what she's hearing. James pushes through the crowd but a hand drags him back. It's Alice. And she belts the hell out of him.

"That's for making my date bleed!"

She belts him again.

Alice continuing, "That's for my sister!"

And again.

Alice continuing, "And that's for me!"

Cliques now descend on James, punching him wildly.

Vladimir yelled throwing the first punch, "And that's for the fourth grade, asshole."

HOTEL - NIGHT

Bella runs down the stairs, Edward chasing her.

"Wait I…"

"You were paid to take me out! By… the one person I truly hate. I knew it was a set-up!"

"It wasn't like that."

"Really? What was it like? A down payment now, then a bonus for sleeping with me?"

"I didn't care about the money."

He catches up to her now.

"I cared about…"

She turns to face him with a countenance more in sorrow than in anger.

"You are so not what I thought you were."

He grabs her and kisses her to shut her up. After a second, she jerks away and flees down the stairs and out of sight.

Alice stands at the top of the stairs, watching. She's never looked guiltier.

SWAN HOUSE - DAY

Bella is sprawled on the couch in sweats, wrapped in a blanket, watching "Sixteen Candles". When Molly Ringwald leans across the birthday cake to get a kiss from her dream date, Bella changes the channel disgustedly, settling for an infomercial.

The phone sits next to her. Not ringing. Alice breezes in, bearing a cup of tea.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us? It'll be fun."

Bella takes the tea and gives a weak smile."

"I'm sure."

Alice sits down next to her.

"You looked beautiful last night, you know."

"So did you."

Alice gives her a squeeze, then jumps up when the doorbell rings, opening the door to a waiting Jasper. He peeks his head inside.

"She okay?"

"I hope so."

The door shuts behind her as Charlie enters.

"Was that your sister?"

"Yeah. She left with some bikers, Big ones. Full of sperm."

"Funny."

Charlie sits down on the arm of the chair and watches the infomercial with Bella.

Charlie continuing, "I don't understand the allure of dehydrated food. Is this something I should be hip to?"

"No, Daddy."

Charlie dreading the answer, "So tell me about this dance. Was it fun?"

"Parts of it."

"Which parts?"

"The part where Alice beat the hell out of some guy."

"Alice did what?"

"What's the matter? Upset that I rubbed off on her?"

"No… impressed."

Bella looks up in surprise.

Charlie continuing, "You know fathers don't like to admit that their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Alice still lets me play a few innings. You've had me on the bleachers for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game."

Bella hopeful, "When I go?"

"Oh, Christ. Don't tell me you've changed your mind. I already sent'em a check."

Bella reaches over and gives him a hug.

CAFETERIA - DAY

Bella stands grabs a box of cornflakes from the food line. Jasper comes up behind her looking extremely guilty.

"Isabella?"

She turns and looks at him.

"I'd like to express my apologies."

"For what?" Bella asks confused.

Jasper looking down, "I didn't mean for you to get… When Alice asked me to find you a boyfriend, I had no idea it would turn out so… ugly. I would never have done anything to compromise you're…"

He trails off when he realizes she's thrown her food tray against the wall and marched off… the old 'kill, kill' look back in her eyes.

HALLWAY - DAY

Bella stomps up the hallway, full of menace.

CLASSROOM - DAY

Alice's English teacher perches on the edge of a desk, open book in hand.

"Who can tell me at what point Lucentio admits his deception?"

The door of the classroom flies open and an angry Bella stalks in, yanking Alice from her chair and dragging her toward the hallway.

Bella says to the teacher, "Family emergency."

HALLWAY - DAY

Alice tries to pull away as Bella drags her by the hair between two rows of lockers.

"Let go!"

"You set me up."

"I just wanted…"

"What? To completely damage me? To send me to therapy forever? What?"

"No! I just wanted…"

Miss Jane walks up.

"Ladies? Shall we take a trip to my office?"


	16. Chapter 16

MISS JANE'S OFFICE - DAY

Miss Jane stares at both sisters as they sit before her, and then focuses on Alice.

"So you're the real bitch." Jane says staring intently.

"Yes! Okay? Yes -- I'm the real bitch. I wanted her to get a boyfriend so I could. Apparently, this makes me a horrible person. I'm sorry."

She turns to Bella.

Alice continuing, "I swear… I didn't know about the money. I didn't even know James was involved. I would never intentionally hurt you, Bella."

Miss Jane to Bella, "Do you care to respond?"

"Am I supposed to feel better? Like, right now? Or do I have some time to think about it?"

"Just smack her now." Miss Jane suggested eagerly.

Alice rises, taking Bella by the arm.

Alice to Miss Jane, "We'll be getting back to you."

"What, no hug?"

HALLWAY - DAY

And Alice leaves Miss Jane's office.

"Is that woman a complete fruit-loop or is it just me?"

"It's just you."

ENGLISH CLASS - DAY

Mr. Banner faces the class.

"All right. I'm assuming everyone found time to compose, their poems. Except for Mr. Dorsey, who's still in ICU."

Nerds in the back high-five each other.

Mr. Banner continuing, "Would anyone care to read theirs aloud?"

No one moves. Then Bella slowly stands up.

"I'11 go."

Edward looks up.

"Oh, Lord." Mr. Banner responds then he downs a couple Prozac. "Please proceed."

Bella stands, puts on her glasses, and takes a deep breath before reading from her notebook.

"_I hate the way you talk to me/ and the way you cut your hair/ I hate the way you drive my car/ I hate it when you stare."_

She pauses, and then continues.

"_I hate your big dumb combat boots/ and the way you read my mind/ I hate you so much it makes me sick/ it even makes me rhyme."_

She takes a deep breath, and looks quickly at Edward, who stares at the floor.

"_I hate the way you're always right/ I hate it when you lie/ I hate it when you make me laugh/ even worse when you make me cry/ I hate it that you're not around/ and the fact that you didn't call/ But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you/ not even close, not even a little bit, not even any at all."_

She looks directly at Edward. He looks back this time. The look they exchange says everything.

Then she walks out of the room. The rest of the class remains in stunned silence.

PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

Bella walks to her car alone. When she opens the door, she's greeted with a Fender Stratocaster guitar, reclining in the front seat.

She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail, then spins around.

Edward stands there, smiling.

"A Fender Strat. You bought this?" Bella questions raising one eyebrow slowly.

"I thought you could use it. When you start your band."

She doesn't answer, but hides a smile, so he walks closer.

Edward continuing, "Besides, I had some extra cash. Some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, but then I fucked up. I fell for her."

Blushes and looks down.

Edward continuing, "You know… it's not every day you find a girl who'll flash her tits to get you out of detention."

Bella looks up, surprised and embarrassed that he found out.

He takes her upturned face as a sign to kiss her and he does, she lets him this time.

Then breaks it off.

"You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know."

He grimaces.

"I know…"

He quiets her with another kiss, which she breaks off again.

"And don't just think you can…"

He kisses her again, not letting her end it this time.

SWAN HOUSE - SUNSET

We hear the sounds of music and laughter.

SWAN HOUSE/BACKYARD - SUNSET

Edward is at the barbecue grill, flipping burgers, Bella watches.

"Why is my veggie burger the only burnt object on this grill?"

"Because I like to torture you." Edward mentions with a smile.

"Oh, Alice? Can you get me my freshman yearbook?"

"Don't you even dare…"

ON ALICE AND JASPER

As they argue on the patio.

"They do to!" Jasper shouts.

"They do not!" Alice responds as she rises to get the yearbook.

"Can someone please tell her that sunflower seeds come from sunflowers?"

ON EMMETT AND ROSALIE

Severely making-out in a lawn chair. She comes up for a breath.

"I can't remember a word of Shakespeare right now. Isn't that weird?"

Emmett pulls her back down for another round.

ON BELLA AND EDWARD

She tries to keep him from grabbing the yearbook that Alice now hands her.

"You're mad over this, aren't you?" Bella asks trying not to laugh.

Alice hands her the yearbook, "He's more than mad. He's freaked."

Flips to a page.

"I'd like to call your attention to Edward Cullen's stunning bad-ass look of 1995…"

A horrifically nerdy freshman year picture glasses, bad hair, headgear… the works.

She holds up the picture for all to view. Edward cringes and throws a handful of pretzels at her.

"Edward… is that… a…" Alice stutters.

"Perm?" Bella finishes.

"Ask my attorney." Edward responds closing his eyes.

Bella and Alice huddle over the picture, giggling.

END


End file.
